Thomas Kinkade: Painter of Light(TM), Sultan of Suck(TM)

NOTE: I’m on vacation until Dec. 1 — posts will be sporadic or non-existent until then. Happy Thanksgiving!

Thomas Kinkade: Painter of Light(TM), Sultan of Suck(TM)  Vanity Fair (still not completely forgiven for that best songs list) partially redeems themselves by publishing the memo the Painter of Light(TM) — whom Salon calls “Writer of Dreck(TM)” and whom Dan Lyke of Flutterby defends – wrote regarding the “Christmas Cottage” movie insipired by his painting. Among other things, Kinkade suggests these hidden references: References to my children (from youngest to oldest as follows): Evie, Winsor, Chandler and Merritt. References to my anniversary date, the number 52, the number 82, and the number 5282 (for fun, notice how many times this appears in my major published works). Hidden N’s throughout — preferably thirty N’s, commemorating one N for each year since the events happened. See if you can spot any of those in his NASCAR painting below  (here’s his own helpful guide):

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Cooking Japanese, I think I’m cooking Japanese …

Cooking Japanese, I think I’m cooking Japanese …  Awesome commercial for the original “Iron Chef” TV show from Japan. Also funny is SNL’s parody showing a “bachelor chef” challenging the Iron Chef in a battle using such delicacies as shark heads and eel farts (bad quality video below):

SNL Iron Chef | Funny Jokes at JibJab

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Monkey Steals the Peach

Monkey Steals the Peach  Ow! I guess maybe Monty Python’s sergeant was on to something in drilling his troops to defend against fresh fruit:

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McDonald’s fries taste like New Jersey

McDonald’s fries taste like New Jersey  Looks like they get their flavoring not only from this most-maligned state, but from the part of it that everyone agrees really IS nasty — the northern stretch of the Turnpike, home of the “Flavor Corridor” where scent and fragrance companies are side-by-side with refineries and chemical plants. In addition to being the world’s largest flavor company, IFF manufactures the smells of six of the ten best-selling fine perfumes in the United States, including Estée Lauder’s Beautiful, Clinique’s Happy, Lancôme’s Trésor, and Calvin Klein’s Eternity.

New Jersey: Home of Beautiful Smells – think anyone will buy that as a new state motto?

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The Internet(s) for Idiots

The Internet(s) for Idiots: A helpful guide to Internet Lingo for the newbies visiting here (or for when your mom asks what “STFU” means). (via Bits & Pieces):

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Abandoned Supercars

Abandoned Supercars  OK, they’re not all supercars, and they’re not all abandoned, but still interesting, and sad (but not as sad as Wrecked Exotics). (via Dark Roasted Blend)

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At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina

At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina  Two iconic ’70s phenomena combined! His name was Solo, He was a pilot, With a blaster at his side, And a smile 12 parsecs wide … (via Popped Culture)

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My Lottery Garage: V8 Miata

 My Lottery Garage: V8 Miata  Maybe not the one pictured above, but that’s the basic concept — a tiny car with a freakin’ huge engine. You can get a Monster Miata kit for a few thousand bucks (Miata and donor Mustang not included) that uses a Ford 302 (5 liter) engine and comes out something like this (or see if they have one for sale in their classifieds) Or you can go even bigger and put in an LS1 Chevy smallblock (and there’s a kit for that as well). Or if you’re really nuts, you can go with a twin-turbo Lexus V8: 

(pic of “Mr. Miyagi” at top via Tom)

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Funny FAQs

Awesome FAQ for the Hotel Cafe in L.A.  Some other places also have humorous lists of Frequently Asked Questions, such as Simon’s Rock college (an offshoot of Bard in upstate NY), the martial art of Aikido, Mazda Miatas (WARNING: long forum thread).  But getting back to the Hotel Cafe FAQ, here’s my favorite part:

Q: I don’t have a demo, but I’m really good, can you book me?
A: No.

Q: I can play a little right now, sort of an audition…
A: No.

Q: Do you have an open mic night?
A: No.

Q: You should.
A: No.

Q: I am a music reviewer for an online magazine you’ve never heard of. We get 150 unique hits per day… I don’t have a business card, but I would appreciate being on the “House List” every night to photo-review acts that preform at…
A: No.

Q: But I have a camera.
A: So do I.

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Playing games with God(s)

God Trumps Sort of like “Magic: The Gathering” crossed with Comparative Religion 101 (For Dummies).

It’s from Britain’s New Humanist magazine — and they’re nice enough to include atheists in their lampooning. Indeed, the cut-out cards run the gamut from Agnostic to Zoroastrian (I suspect they put that in there just to have a “Z”)

And BTW, Zoroastrians don’t spend their time swishing swords around and carving the letter “Z” into donkeys — despite what the name sounds like. (And of course not all Christians follow all the wacky stuff in the Bible)

But if “Magic”-style card games aren’t your thing, and you like board games, there’s always Playing Gods,  which lets you get violent in the religious tradition of your choice: Three-inch plastic figurines include Jesus bashing people with a cross, Moses slugging away with the tablets of the Ten Commandments, the Buddha with a machine gun, and a turbaned fellow with a bomb and a dagger vaguely hinting at Mohammed, all to be set loose to “force the people of the world to worship you.” 

You can get more info or buy the game at the official Playing Gods website.

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